Currently vibing to "wavyBone" by A$AP ROCKY.
It has taken me quite some time to open up and share my past pain. My notes have been trapped in a plastic sleeve, frozen in time. Crystal placed them next to my bed, urging me to go through them.
I won't lie, I feel ashamed and somewhat foolish about the things I wrote on paper back in the early 2000s when I was going through the separation from my first wife and had my son taken away from me.
Here I sit, in a similar predicament, losing what I've built up over nearly 17 years. The pain is still locked within me, concealed in memories drowned out by alcoholism and occasional drug use.
As I read through a few of my writings, I witnessed the darkness that once consumed me. I recall being a driver, shedding tears on the road while making deliveries for martec.
A few years prior, working at PAC, I lost my identity as a father and husband. I don't vividly recall how it felt at the beginning, but I do remember being lost. Leaving PAC and starting at martec was a significant step forward, leading to years of drinking, partying, and trying to survive on a mere $13 an hour. We always managed to find ways to make extra money, which often led us to bars all over town. Phil played a significant role in influencing my life.
I'm preparing to launch my website and showcase my writings in a gallery-like setting for the world to see.
I have mixed emotions about the entire endeavor, but deep down, I know it will propel my creative process even further and enable me to let go of it all.
The journey I'm on is tougher than I initially anticipated. So many emotions, so many memories of a life I once knew.
I hope they understand.
- d.rep
Thank you for starting this. Even a painful past can be the prologue to the story we've always wanted for ourselves.